Blog #1 July 13, 2025

As a new Army Chaplain in February of 1994, marriage counseling was a normal task in my ministry to soldiers and their families. Susan and I had been married for nearly fifteen years when I entered active duty as a chaplain, and we had a solid, happy relationship. However, I must confess that I did not enjoy marriage counseling. The dynamics of my own marital relationship were far different from those of the couples in conflict who sat with me in my office, and I was not able to grasp the differences. I had received marriage counseling training in seminary, but trying to make sense of what was happening in the emotionally charged melees occurring in my office frustrated and discouraged me.

     In my seventh year as a chaplain, our Family Life Chaplain at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii purchased a book for all of the chaplains on the base. The authors of the book were John M. Gottman, PH.D., and Nan Silver. The title of the book was The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The book was based on Gottman’s meticulous observational research of married couples’ interactions with one another. Through longitudinal research of recorded couple interactions, Gottman and his team of researchers were able to determine the relationship dynamics of couples who had successful marriages, as well as the dynamics of those who eventually divorced. This book provided me with a clear understanding of successful relationship dynamics, which I was then able to pass on to couples who came to me for help. Gottman’s work enabled me to understand the positive and negative dynamics of marriage relationships which revolutionized my ability to help couples achieve success in their relationships.

     With this new knowledge, marriage counseling became such a pleasure for me that when the Army Chaplain Corps selected me to participate in an educational program that produces specialists for specific chaplain ministries, I chose the Family Life track over the Ethics track when I was offered a choice between the two, even though ethics had been a longtime topic of interest for me. Graduation from the Masters Degree program I completed with Texas A&M furthered my understanding of relationship dynamics, which was then reinforced through my Doctor of Ministry degree in marriage counseling with Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. This education was refined by supervision and thousands of hours of counseling work with distressed couples. I can confidently say that I know a thing or two about relationships.

     Fast-forward to March of 2017 when I was challenged by an early morning reading of Galatians 3:3 (Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?) to begin a research project to seek to understand the Christian’s relationship with the Holy Spirit as revealed in God’s word. Knowing that relationships operate according to certain common principles aided me as I studied pertinent passages of Scripture which reveal different facets of the Holy Spirit’s presence and ministry in the lives of God’s children. Bolstered by the fact that humans are capable of participating in a relationship with the God in whose image we are created, I have been able to discern some of the principles laid out in Scripture which we can use to understand and participate in the relationship with the Holy Spirit which God has designed for believers in Jesus. My own test-bed for my thoughts has been my relationship with the Spirit, and I am still working on that day by day. From what I now know, primarily through my study of God’s word, but also from reading what believers have written about this topic through the centuries, God has fostered a deep desire to share this knowledge with my brothers and sisters in Christ. This has dominated my retirement from the Army Chaplaincy ten years ago in a totally unexpected turn of events and continues to drive my desire to share what I have been learning. I retired from the Army Chaplain Corps in 2015, from my pastoral counseling ministry in 2023, and from the Eastmont Church Elder Team in 2024; but I don’t see myself ever retiring from this ministry of sharing what I have learned—and am still learning—from Scripture regarding the person and work of the Holy Spirit.

As I work on pieces to place on the blog portion of the site, I wanted to make certain to let everyone know that I have completed publication of a book version of the 100 Days to Walk with the Spirit Devotional Guide. Numerous people told me that they don’t care for reading digital material, but prefer having “something I can hold in my hands when I read.” I used Kindle Direct Publishing to publish the book version, so it is available on amazon.com shopping site under the title “100 Days to Walk with the Spirit.” It’s 8 1/2 X 11 so it is easy to read and write in. I wanted to keep it affordable so the price is $12.00 per copy for 226 pages. I am pleased with the way it turned out; not fancy, but functional, as a workbook should be.